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You're NOT your Mistakes!

To move forward in life. To not get stuck along the way, To learn from your failures. You have FIRST to distinguish between WHO you are and your mistakes!

4 min read

the importance of distinguishing between the mistakes you do and who you are as a person is crucial. Ignoring the need to see the gap between the mistakes as an external action and who you actually are internally is impacting your life in a deep level.

So first of all, you need to know the source of the problem. The problem of not distinguishing between the mistakes you do and who you are and confusing them together, judging yourself all the time, seeing yourself a bad person all started when you were a kid.

When we were kids, our parents made some mistakes in raising us, teaching us maybe, maybe the surrounding, the siblings, the environment you grew up in. When you were a kid, this happened to you, to me, to all of us, we the people who mix between the mistakes we do and who we actually are, So it is a matter of digging a bit in our history to define the reason and begin the journey from there, the journey of healing.

Why do you need to know that? You need to know the source of the problem so that it will be simple for you to start fixing it. The problem didn't start within you. The problem didn't start because you are a bad person and you were born that way and it is a part of you, no, it started externally, it's something outside of you. When you were a kid, they blamed you and judged you for making some foolish mistakes, they didn’t talk around the mistake per se and how to avoid it next time, instead they addressed your person, they said you’re stupid, bad kid, you don’t listen, you never learn your lessons, and they have done this hundreds of times if not thousands, they have done this repeatedly that you don’t even remember why the mistake happened in the first place, thus, you don’t know how to avoid it next time or how to come out of it a better person.

Foolish mistakes, stupid manners, tantrums, that's what kids do, right? Even our parents themselves, they have done these when they were kids, in a daily basis. It is totally normal to grow up making some troubles, and then from there you derive the lessons you’ll live by.

Mistakes and self are two separate things, they are not one entity, now that we’ve clarified the source of the problem, we can take small steps towards focusing on our actions to detach the wrong ones from the good ones, to learn from them and become better individuals, take better decisions afterwards, we are no more going through self-flagellation wasting time and energy, coming out of every mistake weak and helpless, because now we direct our focus to the core of the issue/mistake and feel a sense of responsibility to fix whatever the thing we did, but we can’t do that if we spend time judging ourselves feeling down, you hold yourself accountable only when you still feel confident and you can never feel confident if you confuse your mistakes with who you are.

Even after a long calculation and planning, shit still happens, you can’t have full control over everything all the time, right! So don’t add volume over the mistake after it occurs, bring it out of your ego and completely detach yourself from it, and then begin the process of analyzing the source of it and the reason why it happened and potential solutions that might make it right, now that’s accountability.

In his book ‘’Can’t Hurt Me’’ David Goggins talks about some sort of a technique he calls the cookies jar, where he reminds himself of past achievements he has done to not think about quitting I guess, especially when he is in the middle of a physical challenge as he is an athelet, but I believe we can use the cookies jar whenever we take a wrong turn or make a mistake, we can remind ourselves of the achievements we’ve made no matter how small they are, the good decisions we took once before, the things that really helped us and/ others, the things that helped you move forward in your life or made someone else’s life better, Even if it's a small thing, of course you did good in a lot of times in life, you did things that gave you good results, maybe a good feedback from others as well, you did beautiful things, you said nice things to others.

This will help take confusion off the way and separate between the goodness inside of us and the wrong actions we have done outside of us, we can start to see clearly that it is just a moment of slipping off the edge of life balance and nothing more or less, we are not terrible because we made a mistake or lost in business or couldn’t build the relationship in a good way as we wished we would, we are only terrible when we don’t learn from them and move with our lives more carefully.

Back in time when I was too young, I just judged myself all the time for every detailed mistake I had made, for every single wrong thing I said to others, I didn’t do those mistakes because I was reckless, not because I was irresponsible, not because I was foolish, it’s because I’m human. I detached myself from those mistakes and more importantly I learnt a lot from them and moved on, and how did I do that? By distinguishing between my mistakes and who I am and then focus my efforts on deriving the lessons and remarks I needed to become better afterwards, to see myself clearly. I started to have better self-awareness. I started to shape my character in better ways, to build a better personality.

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